Funniest brother

Me: "For Melissa's birthday, I sent her a Minted greeting card that said 'Happy birthday to the number-one most froggy friend'.  On the inside, it said, 'I am so lucky to spend 5/7 of my days with you, sometimes 6/7.'"

Tom: "You both go into work on the weekends?"

Me: "No, I sometimes hang out with her socially."

Tom: "Oh I see."

Me: "So your natural conclusion is that I work on weekends, not that I might have a friend."

Tom: "Let's be honest, come on."